No Name

My hands are already sweat and I’m starting to lose my breath. That’s the effect of seeing you coming closer. It’s crazy to think we know each other for such a long time, but only now I started seeing you as this amazing girl you are. Always lovely, kind, sensitive and funny.

“Every now and then I see a part of you I’ve never seen”

I’d like to run away from this college with you. Make my life with my songs and afford an amazing life to give you all you actually deserve. There would be no more hard times for any of us.

“one of these days you’ll realize what you mean… to me”

But maybe I can! I have my own lyrics, I think I’m not that bad when singing. Maybe I could give it a shot! But what should I play? Oh here you come! You know most of my lyrics, you could suggest one to me…

“Well I try to talk, but I can’t”

Damn words! Always go away when you’re here, when you look in my eyes, when I hear your voice... Well, I see I’ll have to choose it myself. Maybe if I write a new one... But what will I write about? What if…

“this happens every now and then…”

Ok, It’s done. That will be it. It’s not that bad, after all! Now all I gotta do is apply to that show. Wow, if they call me, the whole UK will hear me playing! Oh my… I must be strong, I need to be tough! This is my dream, and I can do it! If I get the courage to do this, I bet will be strong enough to tell you that… That you are my inspiration.

“So if you ever love somebody…”

A month has passed, and this is the audition’s day! I couldn’t be more nervous! There’s so many talented people here, I hope I stand a chance against them. I’ll just have one chance and I can’t blow it. I have to give my all. And I’ll do it for me… And specially for you.

“Because I’m falling…”

It’s time. It’s my turn to get on stage. Now it’s me and my guitar. I’m so nervous, so nervous…  Ok man, relax, it’s gonna be fine. You’ll get it. Go there and rock it! I hope you watch me tonight.

Let's go: http://youtu.be/6KdviedF9iM?t=1m3s

“...In love… In love”.

[Based on a real story] 

(mis)matches

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yj56nFAjnq0]


"Oh, what a life."

Leaning against a tree in an open field environment, a little girl with blond hair sliding over her shoulders (like a dance to the sound of the fairest laughter of winds) was thinking deep. Her face was nostalgic, and her blue eyes were glowed in red, because of the sky color of one more sunset.

There, she was imagining the happiest day of her life, the day when she would finally embrace the person she was waiting, and in his arms she’d say everything she was feelig, how she prayed for that day, how much she wanted that moment to be eternal. She made plans, invented a thousand different ways to surprise him when that day comes. She wanted, eventually, to stop only dreaming of moments like that and live them one by one, in every detail.

But she couldn’t anymore. Life had pranked her. Now she would only have memories of something that never happened. No longer would have the promised chance, and could no more fulfill her passionate promises and oaths. The idea of ​​"forever" was gone.

“How can I forget those simple and sweet words? How to bury a feeling that made me burn inside and feel so different, unique? How to accept the idea of ​​the terrible end?”

When she received the ultimate news: "He is no longer among us", she could not move for a moment. Astonished, she took all letters received, all gifts and photos, and walked out the door of her house, not even knowing where to go.

She walked for hours, when in the late afternoon found this grove of unimaginable beauty in which she stayed who knows how long. The breeze caressed her sad face. The leaves fell to the ground to keep her company amid flowers that lend themselves to comfort her. Now the sun was coming down to make room for the evening. She sat next to a big tree. His face was in every cloud she looked.

And then she cried, screamed, got up and ran. After a while, already tired, she fell on the flowers. Warm tears roamed her face. The sky cried along with her. The rain mingled with her tears, and then she cried even more. She couldn’t understand why this was happening to her, why she was being deprived of that happiness, and what she would do thereafter.

The rain increased.

The sadness and pain mixed into hatred.

Now her hands, dirty thank to the mud, was fiercely tearing flowers around her. She screamed, howled that nothing else deserved life, no thing else deserved to stand. Desperate and terrified, she witnessed thunders and lightnings cutting the sky and falling somewhere close. Blood flowed in her arms, thanks to the spikes of the flowers she was continuously pulling off the ground.

Her face had a bitter, insane expression. She was capable of anything at that time, unleashing her destructive thoughts were unleashed and her feelings were taking over. She no longer felt pain, sadness, fear.

From the bottom of her soul, she shouted as loud as possible everything she had already thought of doing before. Groping her pocket, she knew somehow that the object she had brought would be somehow useful.

There were no more tears.

With a strange smile on the face, she gathered what left of herself, and started walking to the tree next to the place she was seating while watching the sunset. It was on fire! One of the lightnings had struck it.

Her eyes flashed again.

"I'm coming, my love."

And right after saying it, she stuck her fate in her heart. In the last moment, she started thinking, thinking, imagining…

And smiled her last smile.

And shed her last tear.

And fell to the ground her last drop of blood.

Living Roses, bathed in a scarlet-red tone.

A perfect funeral.

Oh, what a life.

(This is the translation of a text I wrote in June 2010)

"Not all those who wander are lost"

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIu47mnrERE]



http://senga89.deviantart.com/

So here I am at the Woods again. Each tree is so similar to each other… I don’t know if I passed here already. Well, the only thing I can do is keep walking.

I think it’s a good idea to cover my footsteps after me, just in case someone wants to follow it. Maybe I can trick them. Maybe I can make all these memories get lost, not finding the way to my mind anymore.

The mist is not helping much tonight. I can’t see anything through it, neither from where I came or where I could go. I’m stuck. Should I camp over here with all these feelings to make me company, or should I try to reach a path to some place where broken dreams aren’t allowed?

I don’t know. The only thing I won’t do is coming back. Even the smiles are equal back there. There is no mist to make you wonder what it hides. There is no tree to climb and see what is ahead. Artificial lights make stars fade. And the only noise I hear is the moaning of everyone going insanely back and forth, as disorganized as they possibly can. Why would I have to stay and live the fate of being like them? I couldn’t stand to be just one more… I didn’t want to have a standardized smile.

I wanted to be THE one.

Besides, I’m too far from there. No one will come after me… If they at least notice I’m not there anymore. All of them, rushing their days, not even realizing how much life they are letting go, how many sunsets and shootings stars they didn’t see. I tried all my best to show them, but I was always the “odd”, “the tiny crazy girl” who never thought about nothing but to dream impossible things.

But I will show them.

It’s not crazy to be a dreamer. It’s not odd to seek all my dreams. It’s not weird to try to find my own happiness.

For now, however, I have to figure out what to do. The night is coming, and the stars will cover the sky at any minute. Autumn made the favor of creating a huge blanket of leaves for me, and also gave me the chance of an amazing view of the sky. Thanks again, nature. Always making everything look unforgettable.

Tomorrow I decide where to go. For now, I stay with my inner mist. This external one doesn’t really want to tell me where to go. Fine, then! I’ll find out by the morning, when sun eventually gets rid of you.

As I lay down, I cover myself with leaves.
I can see the sky, I can feel the breeze.
My past seems to be gone.
Meanwhile, the present is my home.
About the future, I don’t really know.
I say to myself: “Maybe it’s time to let life flow. Maybe… It’s time… To let memories go.”

Yes, it’s time. I get into my feet, look at the mist, and dive in head first. Why not to try? I came so far, I won’t fear it anymore. Show me what you hide, endless fog!

I go forward, and disappear in the middle of the haze. If you want to know more about where I’m going, I dare you to come with me.

 

And I won’t wait for long.

Just a thought

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p856dtR4mms)

A person who I worked with is in your city right now. She posted some pictures from there, including one of that restaurant you always talk about.

I closed the image viewer and my eyes. I started imagining us on that restaurant, where you were asking for your favorite meal for both of us. You were so beautiful. Your dark blond hair was very straight, mostly on your back than in front of your shoulders. Your eyes were sky blue (actualy i’m not sure if it is blue or green, but i imagined blue). We were seated next to a window, and we could see everything that were going on outside. I was looking outside, then I turned to you. You were smiling beautifully, and I immediately lost all words I had, because I got lost on your eyes. Then I tried to reach your hands, and you held it.

I felt you.

Your hand was warm and soft. Your nails were painted in red. All I thought was “is this really happening? Am I dreaming?” And there, on my thoughts, I wasn’t. I was very awake, everything there was real. I was with you. And nothing else didn’t really matter. I put my hand on your cheek, and you closed your eyes. I smiled like I never did before. Then the meal came. We ate while talking and laughing about non-important things. We paid, tipped the waiter and went out the restaurant, holding hands.

And I imagined it only looking to this picture, wishing for my turn to take a similar one.

And I will. Very soon.

[untitled]

Há tempos não consigo fazer minha inspiração trabalhar em sintonia com meus pensamentos. O que me vem é sempre algum assunto sobre o qual não quero falar, daqueles que você gosta de deixar bem escondido nos cantos do sua mente, e que te enchem o saco bem na hora em que você deita pra dormir. Não quero escrever sobre a mesmice, sobre a rotina, sobre os desastres ou mesmo sobre a esperança. Não quero tomar o cuidado de escrever certo, ainda que faça parte do meu trabalho cuidar que nenhuma palavra saia errada. Queria apenas abrir a mente para essa inspiração doida e deixar sair o que ela bem quisesse que saísse. Mas não dá.
Não que não dê...

Sei lá, não posso.

A verdade é que não quero.

Tô tentando arranjar desculpas para não dizer que estou lutando bravamente contra um monte de pensamento doido que parece não fazer sentido algum no começo, mas que depois acaba se juntando com outro pensamento, e outro, e outro... Vou seguindo cada um desses encaixes e quando me dou conta já anseio pela conclusão. Que bobo que eu sou. Não percebo que tudo isso nada mais é que a história sobre a minha vida. Sobre o que fiz ou deixei de fazer. Sobre o que quero pra mim e o que, até o momento, consigo alcançar.
Mas, o que quero pra mim mesmo?

No momento, um sorvete de limão faria meu dia. Amanhã, não sei, talvez uma passagem para Londres, ou Paris. Sem volta.

É claro que o sol também brilha pra mim, e que hoje as estrelas estarão irresistivelmente lindas. Não reclamo disso, só queria olha-las por outro ângulo, a partir de uma nova planície, de um novo quintal, de uma nova janela. De uma nova perspectiva, enfim.

 

How long must i wait for?